I find myself thinking about whether I have had a prayer answered. Then again, I can't remember the last time I really prayed or called upon God. Since switching up to asking the universe stuff, I haven't felt a desire to pray.
When I think of prayer, I visualize me down on my knees, broken, wailing, begging for everything to be okay.
I've always wanted to experience one of those moments where a miraculous even occurs. A moment of aha, I get it or thank you; I've been deeply moved and feel that my prayers have been answered. Either I'm not asking or I'm missing the answer. Perhaps I am so caught up in my own monkey mind that I forget I can seek help and guidance? Although I do ask for guidance, and signs, sometimes daily. As I write this I am thinking there should be a time I remember - a distinct powerful awakening.
Where do I begin with this story? The beginning right. I am not even certain which part of the story we are in right now. What I do know is: it as if the entire nation is in shock, and many people are frantic and scared to death. Literally.
Like a bomb went off and everyone is scrambling. COVID 19 could be compared to 9/11, but it really doesn’t compare.
It is April 1st 2020. Much of the world is on lockdown. No, this is not an April Fool’s joke. The United States seems like a shit show. Disorganized responses, health care workers without protection, states determining what to do and how to do it. People are dying and getting really sick. Some are still working, while others are scrambling for food.
Many are ill equipped to deal with this kind of a major transformation of their entire life all at once. The children went from being in school practicing active shooter drills to being at home doing virtual school while watching the world shut down. I wonder how the effects will show up down the road.
Wow! Am I really that old? Time flies when you are living life. Today is the day that marks the birth of my first son, Matthew, and also my birth. The birth of a mother.
I can't say that it has been a smooth ride. Raising tiny humans is no easy task. I would never change a thing. When I became a mother, I learned about unconditional love, commitment, and so much more.
Now, I say you can call me Nana B, or Nana Doula. I am a grandmother, a crone, a wise woman with lots to learn and lots to share.